Welcome to the New Year. As we turn the page from one year to the next, it is natural to be reflecting on where we would like to improve. Do you have goals? Most of us do, even if they are only vaguely articulated in our mind. The question is… How likely is it you will achieve your New Years Resolutions?
The answer to this, of course, depends upon the person.
However, without a clear and succinct plan and a support system, it is unlikely most people will stick to their New Years Goals.
New Years Resolutions and Mental Health
Often, losing sight of our resolutions and not achieving our goals can lead to feelings of guilt and shame. When we don’t do what we set out to, it can feel shameful. Feelings of guilt and shame demotivate people which pushes their goals further from their grasp.
Don’t Rely on Motivation, Build Habit
It’s common knowledge that gyms hit capacity in January and numbers steadily dwindle after February. Why? Motivation is not permanent. The excitement runs out.
Our motivation and excitement over our resolutions will naturally wane, and with that our commitment. But what if we didn’t rely on motivation? Motivation is transient. It swoops in with inspiration and encouragement but it can also sneak away when you need it most. Motivation is not honest, it’s convenient.
Don’t Rely on Motivation, Build Habit
Habits are activities that we do no matter what. Habits are automatic. We don’t think about them, we just do them. They are built over time through repetition. We may not particularly like it, but we don’t think about it, we just do it.
Habits are built through repetition and reminders. Eventually, they become automatic. For instance, think about brushing your teeth. Did you do that today? We certainly hope so! As young children, our caregivers show us how to brush our teeth effectively. They would often have to remind us to do so and send us back to complete the task when we tried to avoid it. Eventually however, they stopped reminding us to brush our teeth because it became a habit. Now, we don’t consider if we want to brush our teeth or not, we just pick up our toothbrush and do it twice a day. This activity is an automatic habit. It is possible to train ourselves into automatic habits, but it takes time and a few external tools.
Plan Backwards from your Resolution
Think about your resolution. Perhaps it is to learn to meditate because you know that can help with your focus and patience. Maybe it is to learn a new skill like playing an instrument. Maybe you want to be more intentional with your kids. Whatever your goal, it is important to consider what habits you need to build to help you achieve your goal. For instance, let’s look at the goal of learning an instrument. You may have been saying that you actually want to play that guitar that is sitting in your closet rather than pass by it daily and watch it collect dust. A habit that would be required in order to learn to play said instrument is to actually pick it up and practice it. While we all logically know this, it is harder to put it in action when the realities of daily life hit.
This is where habit development comes in handy. First, when building a habit, it is important not to expect too much of yourself, otherwise it will be too overwhelming. Rather, it is best, when starting a habit, to follow the ten minute rule.
The Ten Minute Rule
The Ten minute rule: Schedule ten minutes to do THE THING. In this case, it may be picking up your guitar and learning a new chord and just practicing that for ten minutes. You are allowed to give yourself an out after ten minutes. That’s it:) That’s the rule.
Why is this so effective? First, it’s not a long time. If we are honest, we have all been strapped in a reel tornado for much longer. Secondly, everyone has ten minutes. They just do. Third, ten minutes of doing something, even something difficult, is not overwhelming for our brains. When we know we can stop after ten minutes, then doing The Thing can be less daunting. Lastly, once we get into the ten minutes of practice, oftentimes we continue beyond that ten minutes because we are currently invested in the activity.
How can ten minutes be effective? Well let’s do the math. Ten minutes per day equates to 70 minutes per week. In an average month, it equates to about 300 minutes. In a year, this averages about 3600 minutes. To get good at anything, the key is consistency. Think about New Years Resolutions of years past. If you had built in a consistent daily ten minutes of focus towards that goal would you be better off than where you are now?
How to Be Consistent with your Habits!
You understand the ten minute rule now! Great! So, how do you ensure consistency? There are three things needed here:
- Support
- Habit Stacking
- Reminders
Support
We all need support when we are trying to grow and learn. Our parents were our daily reminders and helpers to build that daily tooth brushing habit. They kept us honest when we tried to forgo the activity for something more exciting. Eventually we didn’t need their support anymore because we built a strong network of neurons to support the activity. Support systems are helpful for encouragement and reminders, especially when that once relied upon motivation is fleeting. Telling your spouse, kids or a trusted friend what your goal is and how you are planning to achieve it is important. Perhaps you may ask them to be your accountability partner in the process.
Habit Stacking
What is Habit Stacking? Habit Stacking is a phrase coined from the book Atomic Habits by Psychologist and author, James Clear. It is such a powerful and simple principle. Basically, habit stacking means attaching a new habit or behaviour that you want to practice onto a habit that you already have on automatic. For example, perhaps you want to meditate daily. Great! By attaching that habit to one you already do, like brushing your teeth, you are habit stacking. Habit stacking is pairing your new habit with one that is already in automation. Doing so allows you to take advantage of the strong neural connections currently supporting your daily automatic habit.
Reminders
Reminders may look different for everyone. Let’s use the above example of choosing to meditate after brushing your teeth each evening. Simply saying you are going to do it is not enough. Visual Reminders are particularly helpful, especially at first. In this example, a sticky note on your bathroom mirror can be an excellent reminder to meditate after you are done brushing your teeth. Technological reminders are key this day and age. Setting an alarm in your phone and labelling it with the activity helpful. Time blocking or scheduling it he habit into a calendar or planner can also be helpful, if you regularly use those. Reminders are going to look different for everyone, depending upon the habit and the life they lead. Identify what type of reminder is best for you and implement it.
Recipe for Achieving your New Years Resolution
- Identify your Goal and Plan Backwards: What habits are required to achieve said goal?
- Identify your top priority habit(s)
- Choose the most important.
- Commit to practicing said habit 10 minutes daily.
- Tell Your Support System and identify how they can help
- Stack it! Attach this new behaviour onto a current automatic daily habit
- Use Reminders: visuals, alarms, schedules, etc.
- Get after it!
Important Reminder: We can train ourselves to do just about anything if we put in the consistency and practice. Our brain’s can learn just about anything at any age. It’s about taking small steps each day and staying consistent, rather than giant leaps once in a while.